I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
