honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
