Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
