her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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