I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
