I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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