If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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