What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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