I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
