I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Randomize