The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You made out with two different species that night
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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