What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
