There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Drake has all the answers
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
