And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I am never drinking with the goths again.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize