My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I feel like abortions should bother me more
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
