Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
