You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
