I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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