good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
this will be a night to untag.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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