So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Alive.
So much puke
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
