I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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