I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
