Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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