We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
