After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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