its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
