I just pynch a tree in the face
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
