what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize