hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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