you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize