I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
