i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize