Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
