think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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