I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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