He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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