I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Randomize
