Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
