I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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