how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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