I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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