no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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