A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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