omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
