You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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