so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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