20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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