I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
