BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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