He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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