so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize