we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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