Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize
