she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
