GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
