PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
