Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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