well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
