i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Randomize
