What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
