I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
