I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
