the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Randomize
