You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize