I love black thongs
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
