is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
