They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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