I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize