You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
