Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
