you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
50% drunk capacity currently
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
